I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
