By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
