Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
