and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
