Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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