Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
