yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
