please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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