She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i think i just lost a toe
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
