She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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