I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
