I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dignity is for republicans.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
