Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
