It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
