Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
