So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
