YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
