I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
