True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
