every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
