I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
