Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
