Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
