the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
