are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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