this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
