So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
