She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As shirtless as possible
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
