Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
