I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
