my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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