ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
