I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
