I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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