Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
