I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
