I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
