I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
