What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
