will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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