did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
