I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
