he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
