I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
