my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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