hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
