Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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