I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
