I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
