Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
