he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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