she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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