she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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